i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
