I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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