Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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