I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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