Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
