i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize