i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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