this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
