you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
