No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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