Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
