let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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