3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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