Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
