Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
