you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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