Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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