I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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