went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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