it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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