Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
