Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
