Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
