I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
