So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
