Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
