FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
