She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so much tequila, so little girl.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
