we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
