I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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