I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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