It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
