i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
