how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
