ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
