dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
