youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
