C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
