my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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