Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
