If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize