hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
