Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
