Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You need a sexual gate keeper
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
