So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
