I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
