It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
