guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
