i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
