i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
