Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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