You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
operation harelip BJ is a go
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
