It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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