you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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