When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
