Don't you send me to vm
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
