Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
