With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
