she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
