Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
