Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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